Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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