Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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