I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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