Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize