I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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