So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize