we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
