Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i think my cat just said my name.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
