this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
