she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
