he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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