i think my mom watched the whole time
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
