I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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