I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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