I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
