The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
