im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
