Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
