I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just high enough for therapy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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