i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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