Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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