about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
