Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
