so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
