There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
