no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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