it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
