if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
