I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
