Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize