I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
