They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
