It's Friday. Sex?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
