You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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