I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
