We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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