I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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