He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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