Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So apparently I’m into choking now
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