I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize