I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
