I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
