Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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