Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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