Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sober January is a disaster.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
