How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
