after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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