Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
