the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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