Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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