how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
