Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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