dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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