shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
