The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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