When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
