Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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