well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
