we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
