It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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