is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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