He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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