no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
