strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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