This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is the high leading the old right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
