make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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