We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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