i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
