i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
