So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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