....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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