my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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