your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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